Stress Management Skills
We are living in a fast speeding society, which increases the competitiveness and pressure. Burn out, anxiety and feeling stressed are increasing and impairing the relationships and mental, social, and academic functioning. So I decided to write about stress.
- How do you manage stress? How do you cope with it?
- Do you feel overwhelmed?
- Do you feel like you cannot handle it anymore?
- Do you resort to eating as a means to cope? Does it work?
- Or maybe you stop eating because you lose your appetite?
- Do you try to give yourself a break by drinking alcohol? Does it make the problems disappear?
- Do you become irritable, short tempered, and even aggressive (verbally or physically)?
- Or you rather sleep off your stress and just want to be in bed?
- Do you stop your healthy routine such as exercise, good eating habit, and relaxation and just focus on the problem on hand?
If you say yes to one or more of the above listed coping strategies, you are not alone. Many people cope with stress by eating, drinking alcohol, or distracting themselves in other ways. The problem is that all these coping skills may help for a brief moment but in general they are maladaptive behaviors that usually, in long term, magnify and worsen the problem. Let’s start by looking at what stress is. Why do we have such negative perception about stress? Why are we running away from it?
Wikipedia defines stress as “a biological term for the consequences of the failure of a human or animal to respond appropriately to emotional or physical threats to the organism, whether actual or imagined. It includes a state of alarm and adrenaline production, short-term resistance as a coping mechanism, and exhaustion. Common stress symptoms include irritability, muscular tension, inability to concentrate and a variety of physical reactions, such as headaches and elevated heart rate.”
Stress can be in response to positive or negative events. For instance getting married and preparing for the wedding or buying a home can be stressful but they are considered as positive stressors. Nonetheless, a person going through theses type of experiences may feel overwhelmed, irritable and not in control.
Stress can also be negative. For instance going through divorce, facing court-related issues, and financial difficulties are considered negative stressors because they involve feelings such as guilt, shame, fear, worries, and anxiety.
However, often we may feel overwhelmed and stressed out just going through day-to-day responsibilities. This means that our threshold to cope might have decreased due to various factors related to our past such as, suppressed feelings, and unresolved conflicts.
How to manage stress
There are various skills to mange stress and each of these skills can be more effective than the others depending on your needs and circumstances. And as the old saying goes” don’t put all your eggs in one basket”, often a combination of these skills produce better results.
1. Change your perception
It often helps to take a new perspective in viewing our life, our problems and circumstances. Often we have an unrealistic expectation that life should be smooth and without problems. Aboriginal people believe that life means problems, and as such problems and difficulties are expected and accepted as part of life. That means that we can perceive our problems as “problem” and feel overwhelmed or perceive them as challenges and feel motivated to overcome them. The benefit with the latter view is that we shift from a problem-oriented view to a solution-oriented one, and naturally feeling encouraged searching for solutions.
“Maturity is achieved when a person accepts life as full of tension.” Joshua L. Liebman
2. Understand and identify the stressor
Very often our feelings signal us that we are facing a problem without exactly knowing what the problem is, and as such feeling more confused and overwhelmed. In order to be solution-oriented, we first need to identify the problem. Do not ignore your feelings of being overwhelmed, tired, and experiencing insomnia. Even though you might not be directly aware of the source of the problem, your mental and physical state do communicate with you. Try to understand the language and do not just accept them as a “normal-for-me-state”.
3. Be diligent with your routine and self-care behaviors
During crisis and stress the first thing that suffers is the loss of our routine such as regular bedtime, eating, walking, and exercising. These aspects of our life get neglected because we switch to acute crisis and emergency mood. It is understandable that when you are in an emergency situation you need to react and not waste any time by doing other things. As such, our body and mind continues to be in crisis mood even in a chronic stress situation.
So remind yourself, that you are not in any emergency; your stress is chronic and as such your need for healthy routine such as eating well, going for a walk and exercise is even more crucial.
4. Increase pleasure
When overwhelmed and under stress, we forget that there is such a thing as pleasure. We don’t go out and socialize as often as we used to. We often believe that stress management means to reduce stressors. However, sometimes, we cannot change certain situations and we have to accept them as they are and as such increasing pleasure is a good strategy to cope with difficult situations as a means to recharge your batteries.
“Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.” Margaret Fuller
5. Talk to someone
It is important to understand that there is no shame in feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes talking to a friend and/or a professional will help to put thing in perspective, feel normal and understood, which in turn helps us see solutions and strategies that we might have been overlooking. However, do not just rely on your friend or psychologist. The key is to learn and rely on yourself!
6. Do not assume! Delegate tasks!
Very often our stress is related to the fact that we carry too many responsibilities. Often we believe that others expect from us to be perfect and to do everything. Ask yourself this question: Did anyone ask me to do so much or is it really me having all that expectations and assuming that if I did not fulfill them others would be disappointed in me? Most often we find that it is really we having all these unrealistic expectations of ourselves being a superman or a superwoman. Stop! Do not assume! Ask the question and make a list of your responsibilities and delegate some of them to others such as family members, employees, and coworkers.
7. Relaxation techniques
Learn how to relax. Relaxation techniques such as deep and slow breathing and progressive muscle relaxation trigger the activation of the parasympathetic nervous system (“rest and digest” mood) and as such help shut off the sympathetic nervous system, also called the “arousal mood”. In other words, physiologically, you cannot be in stress and heightened arousal mood and be breathing slowly and deeply at the same time!
Try the relaxation techniques for 5-10 minutes, 2 or 3 times throughout the day if you are having difficulties keeping your calm going through your day. Or take 20-30 min at bedtime if you have difficulties shutting off your mind and falling asleep.
8. Live a balanced life
Balance is a key element in native culture. We are complex beings consisting of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual components. Find your spirituality weather it is religion, or nature or just being alone by yourself; whatever that gives you the inner peace. If you don’t know it, then explore and find it for yourself.
Don’t complain about life and remember everything happens for a reason. Without black we would not appreciate the white, without pain we would not appreciate the happiness.
10/25/2009